Oh, Sad Day...

This has nothing to do with the union or the Daily News, so I won't bother to e-mail this out, but for some reason, I can't let go of this message I sent out the other day. Seeing as how I got no response, beyond a slew of hilarious responses suggesting I search out anyone who looked surprisingly youthful, perhaps the blogosphere has some insight into this insidious crime.
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Dear Sir/Madam,

I'm sure whomever swiped the men's anti-aging makeup I had on my desk
for a story on, well, men's anti-aging makeup, feels terrible about
the theft. I hope it soothed your wrinkles, if not your guilty
conscience. If it was an accidental jacking, please feel free to drop
it off, no questions asked. And if not, would you mind letting me
know how it worked for the story?

Thanks,
Brent